How do you paint someone else’s grief?

This was the challenge presented to me last year. A family came to me with a request. Their 19-year old son had died in a motorcycle accident. They wanted to commission me to do an oil painting that would capture his essence and the feelings the mother had about him, his life, their relationship, and her feelings since his death.

What an honor to be asked to carry these feelings along with this family.

It was an honor, to be sure, and quite an artistic challenge.

An artist like me usually approaches the making of an image in one of two ways:

Method 1: The Illustrator

I’ve spent most of my artistic career as an illustrator. I have the ability to draw and paint anything I see. So, a person who cannot draw will hire me to create a very specific image to serve their purposes. They know what they want. I can see it in front of me. I draw it. They make some tweaks. I finish the image. Boom! It’s done.

Method 2: The Painter

Sometimes I get the urge to draw or paint something simply because I want to create and express myself. I make the image, take a photo of it, and post it on social media. Someone might see it and want to buy it. Great! If it never sells, it doesn’t matter. I just wanted to create. (My house is full of paintings!)

Somewhere inbetween

This mother’s request did not fit into either of these categories. She was commissioning me like an illustrator. However, she had no idea what image she wanted. The only things she had to offer me were her words that tried to express her emotions and spiritual reflections on the death of her son.

How do I paint that?

There had been an image percolating in my mind for a few weeks prior to their request. So, when they had no specific image in mind, her words wrapped themselves around this image. I created the following thumbnail sketches in Procreate and presented them to the family. Click the image to enlarge.

They liked them…but…there was some…hesitation. Yes…but…

We let it sit for a few weeks.

The mother came back with a more concrete image for me.

White orchids.

Someone had given them some white orchids when their son died. The family had me visit their house and hang out with their son’s group of friends one day last summer. I took a bunch of photos of the orchids that day.

This was good. Now I had a concrete subject to focus on from which I could play with the mother’s words and emotions.

Reference photos

The following images show the progression of the painting.

I purposely did not give you the mother’s words. I am curious to know what feelings, thoughts, and words this image evokes in you. Leave them in the comments.

It was an honor to take this creative journey with this very special family. The painting will be hung at Grace Lutheran Church in Andover, MN. There is a special ceremony for its christening on May 4, 2025.