I would like to take an informal survey of my online community to help get prepared for the second sermon in the Job series coming up on August 13/14. Here’s the question I pose to you:
What are some of the worst things that people have said to you when you shared your experience of pain or suffering?
Don’t give names. Simply share the quote, and perhaps the context of the situation and how the statement made you feel.
Here’s why I’m asking. The text for the sermon is Job 3:1-10; 4:1-9; 7:11-21. This sermon will cover the conversations that Job had with his “friends” when they came to comfort him in his suffering. The three friends–Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar–essentially said this to Job, “Suffering is a punishment for sin. You obviously have sin in your life. Why don’t you just admit it and let God deal with you.”
Wow! How’s that for a bunch of comforting friends?
So, we will talk about two basic things in the sermon:
- What not to say when you encounter suffering.
- How to talk to God about your suffering.
So, I thought it would be fun to let you vent and share some awful and/or inappropriate/insensitive things you have heard people say in a time of suffering.
I look forward to your comments below.
Most people commented on the Facebook post. Here’s a link…
One of the worst things people have said to me is, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” I hate hearing this. 1. God is allowing this, He is not giving it to me, and 2. We are allowed more than we can handle so we will depend on Him. The other is “Let us know if we can do anything.” This is said to make the person saying it feel better, it is not an offer of help. If people want to help, they should offer specific help and then follow-up with phone calls. Nearly every person who has said “Let us know if we can do anything” has be rude when I called on them for simple assistance.
Yes. I am SO guilty of the second one. Even while the words come from my mouth I think, “don’t say it” but then I do. Thanks for sharing.
“Everything happens for a reason.” My mom died before I hit my 40th birthday. She was a strong Christian, very active in volunteer work, visiting the sick and shut-in, acting as an elder for her church. She was 64. How are we to know there’s a reason? And if there is, telling someone that in the middle of a crisis is a slap in the face, discounting that you’re hurting. I mean, if there was a reason, then that’s a logical thing, and it seems like it takes away from the emotion of it. They might as well say, “No pain, no gain.” It’s trite, there’s no thought or compassion to it.
So painful. Thank you for sharing.
“It’s ok, you didn’t need another baby”
After I miscarried the second time. We miscarried once after we had Logan, and again after we had Blake.
Wow! That’s harsh. Thanks for sharing.
“Just be glad it isn’t (insert someone else’s pain)” implying that pain/suffering is a competition. The fact that everyone has pain in their life doesn’t make anyone less worthy of consolation and compassion. I have a friend with whom I shared my sadness at the recent passing of someone close to me, and her response was “it can’t be as bad as when I lost xxx.”
Right? It’s like it makes it feel better if we reference it against someone else. Hurt is hurt.
I have two. One has to do with a group of people who I consider friends, but are not usually there outside of church and Facebook. I was told by one of them that she and others gauge how I am doing (I have major depression and other stuff) on whether or not I am on Facebook. In other words, they watch, but they don’t reach. The second has to do with a current job search. I had an interview for a job that I really wanted. I was speaking to a lady at church after I found out that I didn’t get the position, and no matter what I said, her response was, “He has a plan.” I kid you not, she said this 3 or 4 times before I finally gave up and said that I know. A lot of people use that statement, and I know that there is truth to it, but after so many times, it becomes trite.
Thanks for sharing, Katie. The line “he has a plan” is a killer. Does that mean God intended for all this bad stuff to happen? I don’t think so. He has promised to be with us, and that is enough. Promise vs. Plan… Something I’m thinking a lot about. Peace.
“I’ll pray for you.”
If you want to pray for me when I’m suffering, let’s pray right now! That way you don’t forget and I receive the benefit of the prayer and your fellowship.